~ boundaries and a walk ~

Was it Susannah who started the trend of shooting one’s feet? I cannot quite
remember but I love this perspective, too! I am on the left, my mother
on the right. All photos were taken on November 16, 2009.

Just before I left for Germany I bought this book to further my understanding of Enneagram typing. I continue to be amazed by the accuracy and insightful clarity of this particular brand of personality analysis. Apparently the Enneagram is an ancient Sufi teaching and goes far beyond the mere description of the nine personality types and their interrelationships into the realm of spiritual growth and authenticity. I have barely scratched the surface of all this but the impact it is having on me is profound.

One of the dangers, in my view, of indepth analysis and personal work is doing it by yourself. You read, you internalize, you have epiphanies and you are eager to initiate changes and improvements. Yet by doing this mostly alone, or in your head, you risk alienating those around you as you start acting in ways they are not expecting of you. In my case I have begun to set boundaries where there were none before, and I don’t always communicate what I am about to do, or have done. In some cases, like stopping to read my work emails at home, I have advised my boss and colleagues accordingly. However, where my personal relationships are concerned the changes are more subtle, yet also more far reaching, and they are not of the kind that are accompanied by loud fanfares and big announcements.

My biggest challenge is the awakening of my self, which has seemingly been asleep, and the reconnection to the essence of my being, without going to the other extreme of losing sight of the needs and desires of my loved ones. Standing up for myself and my own desires is a lot more difficult than my presence in this blog may suggest. By it’s very nature blogging is a self focused activity and I suspect that’s one of the reasons why I am doing it; my blog is one of the few places where I am connected to myself, where I can be as I am, where self expression is not squashed by the needs of others. Yet in real life I am sometimes all too easily crushed by the agendas of others, that’s where I tend to disappear, within the folds of their ambitions and goals. The challenge is to re-emerge without damaging the fabric of those relationships that are precious to me. And to let go of those that have run their course. And to set boundaries when I feel myself vanish again. One thing I am noticing is that not all the boundaries are placed with grace or ease. Sometimes it takes anger to push them into the ground, sometimes they just appear. I am so clearly not an expert at this, but I am learning. And for now, that is good enough.

Anyway, I am running out of time, my father is picking me up in 30 minutes and I still have to get dressed. Even though I have been sleeping through the night I wake up way too early and have only been getting 6-7 hours of sleep. Thank god for naps! And point-and-shoot cameras that help me chronicle a lovely day out with my mother. We walked around town for nearly six hours yesterday, something I am not used to! But we had such a nice time, visiting a photo exhibition that she participated in, doing a bit of shopping and having lunch and coffee breaks. Cologne is not the prettiest city in Germany, and we walked through some of the rougher areas (lots more graffiti than there used to be), but it still feels like home and I loved exploring its changed yet familiar places. One thing is for sure: I am still a city girl at heart!

The tram takes us into the city center. The same tram that used to take me to school all those decades ago.

Worn out facades. Mini markets. Bicyles next to a bus stop. Concert posters on electrical transmitter boxes.

“After rain comes the Sun.”

Graffiti everywhere. Taken while waiting for the tram.

My mother walking purposefully across one of the many small town squares.

A familiar scene in this part of town: Turkish men sitting outside a cafe, or restaurant.

“Stollwerck”, the old chocolate factory. Nowadays it is a community center with offices and conference rooms.
This is where my mother’s photography class are currently exhibiting their final works.

My mother in front of the “Stollwerck” building.

A collage by my mother’s photography class: 60 years of Basic Rights.

My mother’s photos, her theme was “Colorful Fashion” for which one of my cousins (the sister of the cousin
who just visited me) modeled.

The artist in front of her work. I love the photo of the colorful clothes pegs! And for those of you
who noticed: the umbrella photo was indeed inspired by the talented Maddie.

Staircase in the old chocolate factory. It was built in 1906 and is a lovely structure inside and out.

One of the offices. I loved the bike peeking around the corner.

“Stollwerck” entrance.

Typical Cologne November skies.

View coming out of the community center.

Painted door. The books are painted, too.

Road leading to one of Cologne’s seven bridges that cross the Rhine River.

I was fascinated by the contrast of the old fashioned curtains and the sunflowers with the graffiti.

Sadly, this is fairly common in this part of town. Some graffiti I don’t mind as it can be
quite artistic, but this is plain aggression.

The headless woman.

My mother told me that earlier this year three houses collapsed into a hole where they were
digging more tunnels for the subway. Two people died. Many others lost their homes and belongings.
One of the buildings housed the city archives and everything was destroyed,
including many items and documents from the 11th and 12th century. It was a very tragic event.

Flowers and candles commemorating the dead and injured.

The hole into which the buildings collapsed.

Typical ground floor window.

A building in the street where I used to live for a few years in the late 80s.
I was intrigued by the singular balcony and its jungle.

Marienplatz. In the late 80s I lived in the gray and white building at the end.

My mother enjoying a much needed break from all the walking. We had
lunch in the basement grocery section of a large department store.

“Kaufhof” basement. It doesn’t quite show here and I didn’t think to take more pictures,
but you can buy all sorts of wonderful delicatessen here.

Yep. Christmas has started.

Dioezesan Museum in Cologne. Old and new.

Typical inner city square with cafe.

Taking a coffee break at the trendy “Manufaktum”.

4711 house all prepared for Christmas. This is where the original Eau de Cologne comes from: Water of Cologne.