five rules for life ~ and a giveaway!

Another one of my recent website finds is Five Rules for Life. It’s where people from all walks of life send in the guidelines that help them lead a more authentic and happy life. Sometimes it is good to keep things simple. And while I continue my search for ways to heal those parts of my being that inflict un-necessary pain on myself and others, I thought that it is high time I made some simple rules for myself. In fact, I just remember an email exchange I once had with Christine (Swirly Girl), where I had asked her for her definition of ‘authenticity’ and in her reply she mentioned The Four Agreements, and how using her own set of standards as ’signposts to look for guidance‘ had changed her life. We had this conversation way back in April 2008 and it was one of those communications that I kept because I knew that I would want to return to it at some point.

Sticking to only five rules is actually not so easy once you start really thinking about this, especially if you are older (and had plenty of life lessons) and someone who never finds it easy to just pick a handful of anything. My list is also a wish list. I do not do everything on it on a consistent basis. But when I tried to define my own guidelines I also wanted them to reflect the kind of life I want to live from this point onwards.

* Live and let live
This is probably the one rule I live by the most already. It is all about empathy and walking in someone else’s shoes. I have always been a strong believer in trying to understand the position of others, especially if it is in direct opposition to my own. This is one of the reasons why I shy away from politics as I find that too many people in this arena are self righteous and only interested in pushing their point of view across. On the downside this also makes me a fence sitter at times but I can live with that. I believe that Letting Live creates more understanding and compassion, as well as an embracing of our differences, rather than fighting them.

* Love yourself
This one is often downplayed as a cliche and something that is selfish. But I believe that it is true: only if you accept and love yourself for who you are, can you love another for who they are, rather than needing them to make you feel lovable and worthy. That in itself is a great gift to them. Loving yourself is about accepting your choices and standing up for them. It is also about accepting mistakes and learning from them. But more than anything loving yourself is about giving. If I feel good within my own life and skin I have so much more room and energy for others. What I am learning though is that it is a process. Loving yourself is not a switch that you turn on or off, nor is it something that is 100% constant all the time. Life throws you curve balls and challenges you, old patterns like to raise their familiar heads and people around you may live by different guidelines (see first rule.) So at least for me I am finding that this is something I need to keep paying attention to, and that leads me nicely to the next rule …

* Pay attention to what you wish to thrive
“Attention is the most concrete expression of love. What you pay attention to thrives. What you do not pay attention to withers and dies.” This quote originates from Karen Mazen Miller and it caused quite a ripple in the blogging community at the time. It stuck with me because it made me realize that it is not surprising my anxieties were/are thriving because I am certainly giving them a lot of time and attention. But I really want to learn to focus more on all that is positive in my life, on healing, on giving, on loving. While my anxieties may never completely die I would certainly like to see them wither and take up a lot less space than they have done. I believe that making a conscious decision in that direction is the first step and striving to pay attention as an expression of love rather than fear is the second. What I love about this rule is that it is so simple, and that it makes so much sense.

* Only send nice emails to loved ones
Today, for the first time ever, I asked my husband to delete one of my emails without reading it. It wasn’t a ‘bad’ email as such, but it didn’t sit well with me after I sent it. I felt nervous about his reaction for a number of reasons and that is never a good sign. I am big on writing letters and emails whenever something is on my mind. Unfortunately I am also big on sending them and that has backfired on me more than once. What is written in black on white stays there, it cannot be taken back. And depending on the state of mind of the recipient at the time of reading, as well as the abilities of the writer to convey a point in its most authentic sense, the written word is also hugely open to interpretations and misunderstandings, and has more potential for inflicting unintended pain. Email especially is such a dangerous medium in this respect, as it is so easy and quick to use, it is quite lethal for people like me who have impulsive tendencies. The bottom line: be nice in your emails and save the heavy sensitive stuff for person-to-person talks.

* Laugh often
Strangely enough this is the easiest and the hardest. Despite my anxieties I am generally an easy going person who prefers to keep things light and harmonious. But when I go through my dark phases I have to consciously remind myself to invite laughter more often. Sometimes all it takes is listening to my husband tell one of his terrible jokes (he is a great and witty storyteller), spending time with one of my very funny friends (Hi L!) or watching a re-run of Frasier. There is nothing that beats a good belly laugh with tears streaking down your face.




In keeping with the spirit of giving I want to conclude this post with a fabulous giveaway: One lucky person will get a free space in Maddie’s second e-course: Bones of a Poet – YES! There are so many good online workshops out there these days, but I do believe that Maddie’s is one of the special ones. Why? Because she is special! Her wonderful creative talent aside, she has the rare ability to stay in the moment, to notice the small positive things and to keep believing in love and giving ~ even if life throws her the most challenging curve balls. I am very excited about giving one of you the opportunity to participate in her next course which has the potential to change your life.

To be entered into the draw please tell me (in the comments or on your blog ~ leave a link!):

* What are your Five Rules for Life? *